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Femail Detective
What to do if you find that your spouse is cheating

So, now that you have discovered your spouse is cheating and the unthinkable has suddenly become a difficult reality; what do you do? While a barrage of emotions is expected during this situation controlling these emotions and in turn your actions can make the difference between courtroom success and failure. Utilizing the tools listed below can give you the upper hand you will need over a cheating spouse:


  • Remain calm and try to maintain a normal facade. As difficult as this sounds its importance cannot be overstressed. Avoid the urge to “fly off the handle” or spew accusations, as this will immediately alert your partner that you are aware of their activities. The less they know of your suspicions the more likely they are to continue their behavior.
  • Document any and all activity that you think is related to their affair. Make sure that you write down the times and date of specific events in a journal and not just commit their occurrence to memory. If and when you hire an attorney these notes will be worth their weight in gold in establishing a pattern of infidelity.
  • Any physical evidence you observe should also be carefully documented. Receipts or hotel bills can be photographed if removing them will alert the other party. As with behavior, well-documented physical evidence can be an extremely powerful tool in the event of a divorce.
  • Open your own personal and unmonitored lines of communication. These can include opening a post office box, getting a prepaid cell phone, or setting up an anonymous email account. Measures of this nature will ensure that communications with your investigator and or attorney continue unbeknownst to your unfaithful partner.
  • Know where you stand in terms of ownership of the marital assets. You should try and find out if you are listed on the title of any vehicles, bank accounts, or on any property titles. Keep a sharp eye out for evidence of unknown assets you previously didn’t know existed including off shore accounts, personal checking accounts, or brokerage accounts. Cheaters will often try and hide funds if they suspect a divorce is possibly pending in the future.
  • If you do not have direct access to the monetary assets of the relationship you may want to consider putting away money for investigative work and legal proceedings. Divorcees can be an expensive burden to bear on one’s own if you are not sufficiently prepared. Family and friends can also make great resources to relieve the financial strain associated with separation.